“Oh Titties,” said Raymundo as he cupped the large yet soft palms of his hands under her massive right breast, “you are so beautiful! I want you forever. Run away with me! I have a few pesos hidden away. I know a little area down in Aguascalientes deep inside Mexico-“ he emphasized the word deep –“that you and I can have a little farm, feed our chickens, grow some vegetables, and make passionate love every day!”
At that, he squeezed her ample breast, lunging toward her face, their mouths connecting, their tongues intertwining.
“Si!” She yelled! “Si! I am yours Raymundo!”
He ripped open her shirt, exposing her massive breasts. Her nipples, dark and hard, were ready for Raymundo’s mouth, anxious to feel the warm wet sensation of his suckling.
“Take me Raymundo! Take me!!!”
He looked at her exposed flesh and smiled. He leaned in to devour his mistress-
Titties was startled out of her daydream, nearly knocking over her lukewarm Styrofoam cup of twice re-heated coffee. A few of the women relaxing on the nearby couches giggled quietly between themselves.
It had been an extra quiet day in the office. That and the hum of the window a/c unit had lulled her into an exceptionally deep fantasy, her favorite one.
Oh Raymundo, one day I will find you and you will be mine, she thought as the vision of his perfect brown skin, his long thick mustache, and his tight mariachi outfit faded away.
“Nudiecrane Modeling Inc. If cookie-cutters is what you want, the bakery supply store is down the street. Titties Magee speaking, how may I help you?”
Nudiecrane Modeling Inc, established in 1980, was the little-known underground modeling agency for women who were blessed with both, uniquely beautiful looks and the confidence to stick a big middle-finger to traditional modeling industry where everyone looked the same (or were in the process of looking the same by airbrushing, plastic surgery, or both) and were scooped up as young as possible, used up, chewed up, and then spit out the moment a wrinkle or (god forbid) a bubble of cellulite showed up.
The women who came to Nudiecrane Modeling Inc were not looking for fame or wealth, they were looking to create something special and who knows, maybe change the world a little in the process.
The agency was also known via word of mouth in the alternative modeling circles as a sort-of safe-house. A place where down on their luck or hungry or tired or simply lost and not sure where to go women could go to get a clean bed, a good meal, and a few bucks in their pockets. The Home For Wayward Nudiecranes as it was affectionately called by those who knew about it never turned away a woman in need. People would joke that Titties’ heart was as big as her titties, and them’s some big titties.
And they would be right (on both accounts).
“Hello!? You there, hun?!?” The person on the other line had yet to reply. She was just about to put the phone down.
“Uh, sorry, yes, hello…” a quiet male voice said on the other line. This was not unusual; hiring a model for an art project was a pretty standard affair (and quite lucrative in a nickles-and-dimes kind of way). Those artist-types tended to veer toward the socially awkward side of the spectrum.
Titties was used to this. She quickly put on her sweet & patient maternal hat, dropped her voice down a few levels, and led the little pony to water.
“Hello there, sweetie. Are you in need of a model for a project your working on or something? I’m pretty sure I can help you out. No rush though, what’s your name, hun?”
“Well hi there, William, I’m Titties. What is your medium? Are you a painter, hun?” Her voice so kind and sweet, with that touch of country, most people would be about ready to order a slice of rhubarb pie and a cup of joe from her at this point.
“Oh, uh, no, I’m a photographer,” he stammered out, “large format, mostly, wet plate, that sort of thing. Vintage equipment, really…”
“Photography? That’s great, hun! Most the women at our agency have loads of experience in photography. Is there a certain project or look you are going for? I’m sure we can help you find just the right model.”
William didn’t seem to hear her, “I-I’ve worked mostly with just friends, people I know… Never really hired someone before but wanted to start doing… well, nude work, you know? Nothing pornographic or anything like that, but would they be comfortable being completely nude?”
Titties waited a sec to see if he was done and ready to listen.
“Of course, hun. Many of our models are more than comfortable in their own skin. Don’t you worry none. Now, let’s get down to it so you can get to work! Have you been to our website? Is there anyone in particular you think would be a good fit for your project?”
“Yes, I have…. Is Penelope available?”
She was and with that, Titties and William hammered out all the details, took the deposit, and booked the appointment.
Penelope was sitting on the couch with Camille watching Spongebob when Titties called about the job. Unlike at the agency, they didn’t have a/c and it was one of those extra hot and sticky days. Both women were splayed out on either side of the couch, naked from the waist up, sweat beading up then slowly making its way down their chest, pooling on their stomachs.
septum. #sketchaday #drawing #illustration of @pingszoo from a photo by @danielmakesmistakes showing off a custom septum by @kayeblegvad on the #ipad. - amazing where diving down an @instagram rabbithole will take you, eh?
These past few weeks as the possibility became more and more a reality, I got nostalgic. In the mixtape, it really shows. The result was basically a “best of” the past few years of life here in Columbus, mixed with thoughts of New York, and a few new songs that have caught my ear. For fans of my mixtapes, you’ll find lots of familiar ground, but hopefully a few surprises. For the rest of ya, just push play and enjoy.
To all the past friends, crafters, & nudiecranes, we love you & will miss you dearly. To all the new friends we’ll meet in New York, we’ve got some bikes to ride & some nudiezines to make!!!
Okay, okay. I’m starting to get mushy, so let’s get on with it as…
Well hello there, my friends! Long time caller, first time listener and I got a treaty-treat for you this labor daymartin luther king jr daypresidents day memorial day weekend! It’s hot out but, my dear old friend, shit’s about to get even hotter. Like Dungeons n dragons in a different fucked up dimension, we got a 3-sided mixtape to slay a few mojitos with…. oh ho ho, but that’s not all! Two of the songs featured in the mixtape are also in two tsurufoto presents… short films!
Oh, it’s a surprise because today we are putting the “radio” back in tsururadio running a pythagorean special with Sides A, B, & C TOTALLY BLIND!!! duh-duh-DUUUUUUH!!!! I guess I could’ve broke ’em up, labeled them out, and got a bunch more “hits” and shit, but fuck it, it’s a 3-day weekend and I’m having too much fun!
Any & all donations of support to help us reach our goal are truly & truly appreciated! I promise to ride my ass off for you in August and hopefully help get us one notch closer to putting an end to cancer. You can donate by clicking the photo above or by going to the following page.
Thank you thank you thank you in advance! So, with that being said, this being that, and here being here, let’s get this show on the road & let’s get our asses back to enjoying the niiiice long weekend, as……….
tsururadio presents… Lover, will you look at me now?
Let the hype begin at chez tsuru!!! Hard Drugs is BACK (finally) and their new album Party Foreverer (another concept album, fuck yeahs) is about to drop like a meth head all out of meth! Here’s the first single “Hardest Part II”! It’s nyom nyom nyom nom nom nom……………………….. nom.